The Love of A Good Woman

Roy Cuff sits in his old crusty armchair, watching his beloved television. A mixture of music, news, quiz shows, reality shows, documentaries, soap opera are all playing out on the screen in front of him. Using his remote control he switches from one to another, unable to make up his mind about one in particular. He stops after a short while, exhausted. He stares at the screen for a while, and then slowly, before his very eyes, the channels start merging with one another, resulting in one almighty noise.

Suddenly the noise stops and we hear “Sailing By” - the music that normally tells us you should have gone to bed by now, or that you’re up way too early. A soft female voice breaks into the music.

Silence. Cuff stares at the blank screen. After a while he gets up from his chair and walks slowly across to the television. We see for the first time that Cuff walks with a slight limp. He was born with a club foot. He starts pushing various buttons on the TV.

CUFF; I know you’re in there. It‘s me. Cuff. I know you’re in there somewhere.

He walks around to the back of the set. He takes out the aerial wire and holds it up in the air.

CUFF; Holding you’re radar in the air now, where all the signals in the world can be seen. Long-winged secret planes and spinning stations from space look down on this radar.
They’ll wake you up again. Come on! Wakey, wakey. Faces that I know. Friends. Some of them. Don’t like the newsreader. Where are they all? Where? I can’t hold onto the radar for much longer, my arm’s not strong enough. Weak and bony. One face will do. That’s all. Even the newsreader. A word. Let me hear one more word, I’m not ready for silence. I’m not. Cuff’s not ready. If I could remove my arm from it‘s socket, I could pin it to the wall and hold you up in the air forever.

Cuff brings his arm down.

CUFF; Can’t do that though. Weak and bony. Socket won’t let me.

He carefully places the aerial back into the socket at the back of the television. He walks around to face the screen once more.

CUFF; Silly thing. Games you play. I’ll play too, I‘m a winner. You’re being silly. That’s all. Silly little thing.

Cuff walks across to the window. The window has been blacked out using old newspapers. There are slits everywhere, that have been torn out, and these are what Cuff uses to look out onto the world below.

CUFF; Everybody’s having a party. Better off in here. Feel safe. Don’t recognise that earth anymore. Everywhere I know has been knocked down.

A firework goes off close-by. Cuff jumps back.

CUFF; Too loud. Too loud for Cuff. They don’t care. I don’t care. Bollocks.

Cuff returns to his chair.

CUFF; Or was it a bomb? Bombs everywhere. Better off in here. Feel safe.

Cuff picks up a mug of tea that sits next to him on a small table.

CUFF; I’ll have a hot drink.

He has a sip and then puts the mug back down on the table. He picks up a magazine.

CUFF; A new bird has been found in Asia. I’ll read about that. A colourful bird. It’s not like a parrot. More like a bird of paradise. Paradise. I wonder what that looks like? Not as nice as in here. I’d like to see that bird though. Where is Asia?

He starts to read, but throws the magazine down quickly. He glares at the television.

CUFF; I can’t read if you’re silent. I can’t eat my beans or drink my tea, if you’re not there! I need you to come back. You have to come back!

He marches over to the TV and starts to hit it. He lashes out.

CUFF; You have to. I need you. You have to come back, I need you!

Cuff looks around the room.

CUFF; I don’t recognise any of it.

He falls back onto the wall and accidentally knocks the mainline gas tap. It makes a whoosh, and Cuff quickly turns it off again. He stares at it, and then back towards the TV.

CUFF; It‘s gone dark hasn‘t it?.

Cuff looks at the tap.

CUFF; I haven’t seen you before. Never needed to.

He turns the tap on and off again in quick succession - he’s playing with it. He holds onto the tap. He looks across at the television.

CUFF; Cuff has a new friend now. You can fuck off!

Cuff walks across to his chair and pulls out an old leather-bound case. He opens it up, and pulls out a neatly folded black jacket with tails. He puts it on carefully, and puts the case back under the chair. He smartens himself up using his reflection on the blank TV screen.

CUFF; Cuff has a brand new friend. Have to be smart for my new friend. My hair’s all thin. Fingers are bony. Jacket‘s got bigger.

Cuff then walks back to his chair and sits in it. He stares at the TV.

CUFF; Want another chance?

Silence.

CUFF; Do you?

Silence.

CUFF; One more chance.

Silence.

CUFF; No?

Silence.

CUFF; No.

Cuff turns to the gas tap.

CUFF; Hello.

Cuff’s right arm reaches out and he pulls down the mainline gas tap. Initially a whoosh, but then it quietens down to a low persistent hiss. He sits quietly and waits to die. Suddenly an old teabag that is sitting on a saucer, starts to move. The teabag represents the beginning - the beginning of life, the beginning of the end, the beginning of random objects throughout Cuff’s bed sit coming to life. Cuff doesn’t see the teabag at first, but after a short while he can feel something happening next to him. He turns slowly to see the teabag moving.

CUFF; What’s that? What’s going on? Is that it? Is that what happens now? The new world. A world full of teabags. Paradise? Is that what Asia looks like? Perhaps.

Cuff turns the tap off. The teabag stops moving. Nothing.

CUFF; And so it stops. Of course.

Cuff stares at the gas tap.

CUFF; Don’t think you can make me go mad. Don’t think that. You can’t. I won’t go mad. This is my game! I chose you remember.

He stares at the TV.

CUFF; Want another chance? Do you? No? No. No!
He switches the tap back on. He looks back at the teabag. It doesn’t move. He looks at his reflection in the TV.

CUFF; Mother would have been pleased. She’d part my hair, and spit on her hankie. Jam around my mouth again. “All gone”, she would say. All gone.

Slowly, out of his eye line, a baby made up of Cuff’s socks and pants starts to crawl out of his dirty laundry basket.
The baby crawls towards Cuff’s feet, and when he gets to about twelve inches away, it rocks back onto its’ haunches. It sits and stares at Cuff. In the reflection of the TV, Cuff is shocked to see a baby sitting at his feet. He turns to face it, and jumps back.

CUFF; What are you doing? What’s going on? I don’t know you. I don’t know what you are.

The baby makes a tiny squeal.

CUFF; Uh! A baby. You’re a baby. What baby? I don’t want a baby.

Again the baby makes a tiny squeal.

CUFF; This must be it. I’m not mad. Single to paradise please little man.

The baby makes another tiny squeal.

CUFF; What is it? Look at you. Look at you. You’re me. Is that it? You’re me as a baby. Hello. You’re called Cuff. That’s who you are. Yes. That’s your name. Well actually it’s not, it’s Roy. Cuff is your surname, but everybody at work called you Cuff. You were popular. You were in charge of organising trips. Social Secretary to be precise. Not you yet though. Soon. In some years. You’re only a baby at the moment. A baby with no father. Bad luck.

The baby starts to cry.

CUFF; Oh, I didn’t mean to upset you little man.

Cuff gets off his chair and awkwardly picks up the baby.

CUFF; It’s a good life really. A really good life. Look at what you achieve.

Cuff shows the baby the contents of his life - the bed sit. The baby looks around at Cuff’s world and starts to cry again.

CUFF; There, there don’t cry, it’s not as bad as some people. Some people have nothing.

The baby breaks into a loud crying session, and Cuff doesn’t know what to do. He looks into the baby’s nappy and is shocked to see that the baby is not him. He puts the baby onto the table.

CUFF; Not me! Not Cuff! A girl! You’re a girl! You’re a girl with perfect feet. What are you doing here? This is my room. I live here. Not you, not anybody. I do. I live here alone. Everybody else has gone. Signal’s switched, and now everyone‘s gone. No one here except me. You tricked me. You came in here and you tricked me. I’ll not be tricked.

The baby is crying so loudly now.

CUFF; Shut up! Shut up! No one ever comes here. They’ll wonder what’s going on, you have to be quiet. You have to be quiet.

Cuff goes across to the window, and looks through one of the slits.

CUFF; No noise in my room. Never any noise. Shut up!

Cuff goes to the tap and turns it off. The baby stops and falls off the table. Dead. Cuff goes across to it, and picks it up. He discovers it’s a mass of his own socks.

CUFF; These are my socks. My dirty socks. You need to go back. Back in the dirty basket. You nearly fooled me. Nearly.

Cuff puts the socks and pants back into the laundry basket.

CUFF; All gone. Alone again. What do I do?

Cuff stares at the blank screen.

CUFF; Thought you might have come back to see me. I don’t like it. I don’t. I don’t like it.

Cuff goes back to the chair and sits. He switches the gas back on, and waits for something to happen. Before his very eyes, the lamp that sits on top of the TV starts to come alive. It’s a young girl. She starts to flex her arms and her legs. She then slowly lowers herself down from the TV and onto the floor. She finds an old pipe and starts to play with it.

CUFF; You’ve grown.

The young girl ignores him.

CUFF; Into a pretty little thing.

The young girl still ignores him.

CUFF; Pretty little thing has no manners.

Cuff picks up his magazine and starts to read.

CUFF; I’m going to read about a new bird they’ve found in China. Or was it Asia?

Cuff reads. The young girl doesn’t like being ignored and she goes over to where Cuff is sitting. She moves around to the table and climbs onto it. Cuff is aware if her, but chooses to ignore her. She stands next to his head and stares at him. Eventually he turns to face her.

CUFF; What’s your name?

The young girl doesn’t say anything. Cuff takes out a red rose from a vase that stands on the table and gently places it onto her head.

CUFF; Florence.

Cuff returns to his magazine. Florence crawls onto the back of his chair and starts to read over his shoulder. She pokes him. Cuff doesn’t react. She pokes him again. Again he doesn’t react. On the third time, she pokes his face and he turns to her, but by the time he’s turned, she’s jumped off the chair and onto his head. She dances on his head occassionally jumping down to tickle him. Cuff tries to stop her, but he's laughing so much that he starts to get out of breath
The tickling gets more manic and Cuff is unable to control her. He is having such a wonderful time. He can’t stop laughing. We hear the gas volume rising. He is screaming and laughing and coughing and all the while the gas volume continues to rise.

CUFF; Florence, please, wait, you have to stop, you have to stop. I have to stop.

Florence refuses to stop playing.

CUFF; I mean it, Florence, please, I have to stop.

The gas volume is rising still. Cuff is having to shout.

CUFF; Florence please!

Cuff is getting out of breath and is struggling to stand. He becomes aware of it, and goes to the gas tap. He leans on it.

CUFF; Florence, please. I’m not ready.

He screams out loud and turns off the tap. Florence collapses into a heap. Silence.

CUFF; I’m so sorry. Little Florence. I’m so, so sorry.

Cuff walks over to her and starts to wrap her up in newspaper. He starts to cry.

CUFF; I’m sorry.

Cuff takes the newspaper and gently places it into the leather bound case under his chair. He sits down. He’s subdued. He looks at the tap.

CUFF; I wasn’t ready. You know that.

Cuff turns the tap on again, and stares at it.

CUFF; Tap, tap, tappety tap. You know that.
Clever little tap.

Slowly the figure of a beautiful woman rises out of the bed sheets. The woman is wearing a flower in her head. The sheets have turned themselves inside out to make an evening gown. It’s Florence, as a young lady.

CUFF; You are beautiful.

She stretches out her hand. Cuff looks behind him, in case she’s requesting somebody else, but there’s no one there.

CUFF; Me? You want me? Why? Why would you want me? Look at me.

Florence gestures for him to stand up.

CUFF; I don’t want to stand up.
Florence approaches and beckons to him to join her on the floor.

CUFF; Don’t make me stand up. Please.
Florence stands above him.

CUFF; Please.

Florence leans out and touches his head.

CUFF; Why would you make me stand? Why? To dance? Is that why? Is it?

Slowly Cuff stands. He is now face to face with Florence.

CUFF; Is that why?

Florence extends her arms.

Music; Madelaine Peyroux, “ Dance Me To The End of Love.”

CUFF; To dance?

Florence walks towards him.

CUFF; Oh dear.

Florence takes his hands.

CUFF; We are going to dance.

They start to dance. The foxtrot. After a while Cuff forgets about is club foot.

CUFF; You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Ever. You are. Without a doubt. I saw you sitting there. I couldn’t stop staring at you. You’re so beautiful. And now we’re dancing. We’re dancing here together. You and I. I must be the luckiest man in the world. Ever.

Florence puts her fingertips to his mouth.

CUFF; Shhhhhh.

The music stops. Silence. Florence guides him towards the bed.

CUFF; I can’t. I haven’t. Please. I don’t. Please. Please. No.

Florence sits him down on the edge of the bed, and starts to undress him.

CUFF; I’m not very nice. Please. I don’t have a nice body. You won’t like me. Please.

Florence starts to go down to his feet, but Cuff pulls them away quickly.

CUFF; No! No, you can’t. Not my foot. Never my foot.

Florence lies him back on the bed. He is a white vest and trousers. She is stroking him.

CUFF; (Under his breath) Never my foot.

She slowly makes her way down to his feet again and begins to untie the boot of his club foot.
CUFF; My foot. My ugly, ugly foot.
He sits up slowly and watches her. She carefully takes off the boot, then the sock and strokes the foot.

CUFF; My ugly, ugly foot.

Florence kisses his foot. She then stands and faces him.

CUFF; I love you. I’ve only ever said that in my head. I’ve been saying that in my head ever since I saw you all those years ago. You standing at one end and me the other. I loved you from the moment I saw you. The only woman I loved. Ever. What do I do now?

Slowly her sheet is removed and it falls to the ground. Florence is naked. Two teacups represent her breasts and her vagina is a triangular piece of toast.

CUFF; I can’t do it! I CAN’T DO IT!

Cuff makes his way to the tap. Florence is trying to pull him away.

CUFF; I can’t do it! I can’t! I won’t. It’s a lie. It’s one big fucking lie! What’s the tap doing?

Cuff looks at the tap.

CUFF; What are you doing? This is a lie - you’re putting things in my head.
He slumps onto the chair.

CUFF; It’s a lie! I know what really happened - I was there. This would never have happened. Look at me. Look at us. I can hardly breathe.

He turns off the tap and Florence falls to the floor.

CUFF; I was there.

A frame appears next to his chair wherein a flashback scene is played out before his very eyes using two miniature versions of Cuff and Florence when they were in their early twenties.

CUFF; Fifty years ago. You were sitting. I was standing. I watched you for three whole days. There was nobody else. All holiday I watched you. I wanted to ask you to dance. I was shitting it. I got closer and then I got a whiff of your perfume and I stopped. I needed to go to the toilet. I turned and ran away.

The puppet of Cuff runs away. The puppet of Florence turns to watch him run away.

CUFF; That’s what happened. There was never dancing.

Cuff looks at the tap.

CUFF; Wrong Mr tap. Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Cuff looks back at the smaller version of Florence.

CUFF; You have her looking on after me. That’s not right. I said that’s not right! She wasn’t looking in my direction. I had gone. She didn’t even know I was there. Why would she? Look at me. Why would she? Why? Would she? Did she? Did she look after me? After me?

Cuff slams the tap on.

CUFF; Did she look after me? Did she? Florence?

Cuff looks at the gas tap.

CUFF; Did she? I don’t know anymore.

Cuff is slowly losing consciousness.

CUFF; Floor…hands…eyes…open.

In the corner of the room, out of the bin liners and newspapers and old woman appears. She is wearing a paper flower. She is Florence as an old woman - what would have been if Cuff had enough courage to ask her all those years ago. She is the companion, the wife. She moves around the room, tidying everything up. She opens the window for the first time in years and a shaft of light and warmth come rushing into the room. Cuff is still lying down, struggling to breathe. He doesn’t notice old Florence tidying up around him. Eventually she goes over to the bed and leans over Cuff.

CUFF; Florence? Hot.

Old Florence leans in and kisses Cuff on the cheek.

CUFF; Kiss. Look me after? You? Can’t feel foot.

Old Florence leans in and kisses Cuff on the lips. She pulls away.

CUFF; There’s a bird. Asia. Paradise.

Old Florence leans in and kisses him for the last time - her plastic mouth suffocates him and he dies. She lays out Cuff in a tidy fashion. She closes his eyes, and then parts his hair. She holds him.

Lights fade.

A firework is heard in the distance.

End.